Poem: What I Never Say

A poem about not saying positive things about yourself.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

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I posted this poem here on Substack before, but aside from some apologies about not posting regularly, I wasn’t in the headspace to dive more deeply into the poem. So, this time, let’s do that. At the time of me writing this, it’s late and I can’t sleep, so I have all the time in the world to get into it (not really, it feels like that).

And if you want to, write your takeaways about the poem below, in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts, or just general feedback. Your voice matters.

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What I Never Say

When morning meets my eyes, 
I don’t follow that sunrise with a smile, 
Wandering to the bathroom to start 
My morning with joy on my mind. 

When the mirror beckons a yawn, 
I stifle any attempts to allow myself 
A reminder of the good I exude– 
Instead razing positivity like shreds
Of facial hair during my sunup shave. 

Perhaps I prefer to omit my happiness
To embrace the value of another’s own. 
Or maybe I suspect I deserve to eat 
The dirt in which others step over.

Never allowing the simple pleasure 
Of telling myself the virtues that I exhibit, 
The things which form my structure 
And show everyone else who I am: 
The good things I never tell myself. 

So before work necessitates my attention, 
I draw close to the chair and sit before 
A screen burdened by an empty dream, 
Waiting an easing of words slowly typed. 

But as the seconds linger onward, 
I find myself running through doubt– 
Leaving any praise in the dust, 
Becoming a wasted attempt to uncover 
Exactly what I never say, or ever will. 

That I’m proud of who I am. 

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I don’t think this poem is one of my most well-written pieces, but I like how it leads up to its ending. And it’s important to note, when I wrote this piece I was still sort of recovering from a break-up. So my emotions from that were still pretty raw.

But at its core, the message still stands, and it’s a decade old at the least. Being proud of myself, who I am, and whatever I strive to do is difficult. It always has been. Yet, I can’t actually say I never say anything positive to myself.

I try to be a good person, and sometimes I am. Sometimes I’m funny, and other times I’m cool. Or at least, I think that’s the case. And while for me that can be hard to accept, I understand that others may definitely feel that way.

And if you’re someone who struggles with self-esteem and image, or maybe just generally pessimistic. Know that I care about you, and think you’re wonderful. It can be difficult to lift yourself up, but you’re a good person, and you’re doing your best. Just remember that. Okay?

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And if you want to, share your thoughts about this piece with me in the comments below. What did you take away from it? Was there anything you felt could’ve been written better? Let me know, I love feedback!