Poem: I will be with you.

Cw// Suicide, Loss, Death, Murder.

Photo by Holly Obermiller on Unsplash

I will be with you— a poem which was initially posted on Allpoetry.com, and now rewritten for this Substack publication. Be warned though, this piece contains heavy subject matter, and reflects my mental health back in 2020. Read it if you’d like, but feel it however you must. And if you choose not to, that’s okay as well.

Here is the rewritten piece:

I will be with you

Red stains cover the blue
Of my shirt.

Distracting from the
Weakness I now feel.
But not enough to note
How nice this gun feels
In my grip.

Someone shouts against
The deafening roar inside
My ears.

I cannot make out their words,
Yet their voice sounds familiar.

Listen. I know I have to leave,
This is no place for a murderer
To stand.

I cannot be seen here,
Unless I wish for them to
Recognize my deed.

The killing of a man I cannot
Recognize.

But before I leave,
I glance at my hands—
Wondering of what might
Fade from this mind.
If it was once who I am,
Or of something new entirely.

And under the rain,
Someone runs after me.
My body is however
All over the place.
Each of their steps similar
To mine, though my mind
Is incoherently placed.

So in desperation it’s time
I touch my hand to my face.
Though something is amiss,
As the only thing I feel
Is a hole driven into my brain.

Someone’s screaming,
All crouched up beside me.
Their grasp cradling my form
As the red seeps into
Who they are.

A distant memory,
And a wish of my own future—
Through all of the hopes…
And all of my dreams.

This was perhaps, a much heavier piece than I normally post here on Substack. But as I was looking through old poems, this was one that spoke out enough for me to put it here. It may not be a happy ending in this piece, but sometimes that isn’t what’s needed for a poem to work.

What did you think of it however? Let me know in the comments below. And subscribe to this blog to see more poetry in the future, buh-bye for now!