My Shower - Inside My Thoughts Poetry Reflection.

This is a continuation of the Inside My Thoughts Poetry Reflection series. This time we're looking at the third poem in the collection, "My Shower-" a poem about trying to be better at something.

You’re working on a piece of writing, and it just isn’t turning out the way you’d like it to. As you start to feel more and more frustrated, you decide it’s time to take a break. Though you think taking a break will help you, it doesn’t. You continue to get stuck on it. So, maybe you should come back to it later?

But something nags at you to push at it some more. Some voice telling you: “Are you giving up? That’s just like you to do that.”

And that’s a hard thing to overcome. The nagging voice will egg at you constantly for trying to take care of yourself. Seeing it as defeat if you put down the pen, but what if the paper doesn’t turn out how you want it? Then what are you supposed to do? Letting your creativity flow is important, but letting it do so healthily is more important. So where do you find that balance?

I often feel like I’m not doing good enough, or that my writing isn’t worth the time and effort. I desire success, but success doesn’t come as easily as my mind wants it to. Because of this, I’m often stuck in a swirling loop. Pushing out a bunch of writing stuff, getting depressed when it doesn’t do well, and then later pushing out more stuff. All because I don’t know how to balance my feelings well.

You know what, let’s actually dive into the contents of the poem, right now. Here, take a look at it:

The notes are disconnected, little lines on paper–
Ink leaving bitter taste, trying to reconnect my thoughts.
Reminiscent of, windy days and intense sunlight–
I walk shuttering my face, blocking those out.
But when the light shifts, clouds drawn overhead;
Raindrops hover high, their tears on my face instead.

If I could pull the verses together, let them attach,
Would it make sense? Would it bloom and sigh sweetly?
Or would it fall apart, like tattered fabrics from a shirt?
I close my eyes, and the rain turns green, and I'm
Melting underneath the storm my cluttered head began;
Overwhelmed, but somehow still there to renew myself.

I turn the shower off, let the notes fall to the ground–
They hit each other smoother than pieces of bark,
Playing a melody that's only made when I'm calm.
And it reminds me for a second, that nice things don't
Appear from the raining ashes of bitterness and stress–
Even though it's easy to let it burn me up anyway.

So I dry myself off, the cloud inside me dissipating–
My thoughts calming and alluring, like lavender tea.
Yet, something nags– a parasite eating my brain asking:
"Are these notes just right, or are you giving up already?"
And of course, I shake my head, turn the rain back on,
And settle deep into my mental storm once again.

So, a few impressions as I read this one:

1. It’s bulky, full of words trying to tell a story. I think the story is conveyed well overall. I love the concept of the shower not being a physical one, but rather in the person’s head. They’re working on something and getting frustrated with the way it’s turning out. Their frustration brews into a storm, representing how they’re getting overwhelmed, and the raindrops (their shower) is them crying.

2. It’s not my favorite piece so far. I love the details in the poem, but there’s room for further editing and revising. To me, it doesn’t seem like everything meshes together the way I would like it to. But it’s not the worst poem ever, nor is it really bad. It has noticeable room for improvement — something which is super beneficial to me.

The poem starts off with a strong premise, quickly giving us the exposition for what’s happening. The writer is working on their project, but getting frustrated and overwhelmed. So eventually, as we move through the poem, they start to realize that — attempting to take a break by turning the shower off. Letting their emotions neutralize or calm. They focus on things like Lavender tea, something which I find really calming.

Yet, just as they’re calming down, something nags at them about their project. This anxiety asks you if you’re giving up on something, because is it really just right? So defeated, the person starts working on the project again, with the same mindset as before. They turn on the rainstorm, as if it were actually a real shower. This resetting the entire cycle once again.

There is always that voice nagging you to not give up on a project. Or at least for me, there is. Am I really going to be good enough if I can’t make this thing turn out exactly the way I want it to? What will other people think of it? Will they laugh at me, or not even acknowledge the effort put into it? These are all valid things to feel, but I think the most important message of this poem is: Don’t let yourself get caught up in cycles. Take time to breathe and relax. Then when you’re ready, approach the project again.

Who knows maybe this next time, you’ll be able to focus more clearly and have it turn out better. Or you’ll realize that heart was set on a different project and you just couldn’t see it. But it’s okay if you don’t finish it. It’s okay to do different things. You just have to find a way to let yourself relax, and give yourself some balance.

And if not completely, then maybe just a little bit.

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